like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
