ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
