If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
