I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm jealous of your bromance
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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