I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
