You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
