After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
