K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize