new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
