i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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