Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Did I show you my penis last night?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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