I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
