i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
