Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
