HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
