he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
