end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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