hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
