he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
