so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
