What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize