I got chris browned last night
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
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