sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize
