Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think I won the penis lottery.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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