My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
