I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
