Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
