the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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