why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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