It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
