Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
