They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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