conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
