i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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