Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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