a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
