i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
