I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Randomize
