its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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