There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
