There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
