I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
