Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize