I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Houston, we have a blender
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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