do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
