he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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