apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize