They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
