You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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