How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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