we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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