I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
