i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't deserve a penis
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
