I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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