your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
