so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
