I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
