Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
