She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
