Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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