Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
