just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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