Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
