hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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