Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
