Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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