I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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