I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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